Ten confidence boosters for teens

1 Stand Tall - As you walk down the street, remember to stand tall and take in a deep breath. Imagine you are breathing in confidence!

2 Smile - Even if it is the last thing you feel like doing, keep smiling. Try and look for little things to smile about, smile at strangers. Just the act of smiling releases endorphins into your bloodstream.

3 Compliments - Every time someone pays you a compliment, accept it graciously and really own that compliment rather than disregard or laugh it off.

4 Diary - Keep a diary and try to note down all all your successes. Celebrate and reward your successes!

5 Friends - Surround yourself with positive and confident people who make you feel good about yourself. Do activities that encourage you to get out in nature and exercise. You might like create a 'dream team' - a group of people who support and motivate you and share your dreams and wishes. Share your ideas and dreams and make steps to make these into a reality.

6 Mirror - Look into a mirror and say 'I love you' Remind yourself of what makes you special. This is a hard one to start with, but will get easier with time.

7 Achievements - Make a book of your achievements, talents and qualities. List all your successes and things that you are proud of. List all the things that makes you the special person that you are and include all the things that you have done to others and how you have made others happy. You might like to put them in a book and refer to it when you are feeling low.

8 Talk - As much as possible talk to yourself in a kind and positive way. If you notice you talk to yourself in a negative way with put downs, try to stop and change it immediately.

9 Affirmations - Each day, repeat one positive statement or affirmation. You might say 'I am positive and everything that happens is good' or 'I am special and I make a difference' You might even like to theme your day as a positive, happy, confident, joyful or special day and do things that make you feel that way. Here are some ideas: I am unique, i am special, I think about all the things that make me special, I choose thoughts that make me feel good about myself, I deserve to have good in my life, I love the fact that I am different and unique, I am not afraid to be different, I am not afraid to be special, I know that I am loved and respected, I love and respect myself, I believe in myself I know that I make a difference to those around me, I feel good about myself. I believe in myself. I believe in myself I believe in myself, I feel confident, I fill my mind with positive thoughts about myself, I am proud of the things I have achieved. I congratulate myself. I love myself, I am unique and wonderful, I love and accept myself, I love and accept myself.'

10 Relax and Visualise - Relaxation is a great help to feeling better about yourself as it helps you feel good and help manage feelings and emotions.Close your eyes and imagine you are standing in front of a mirror. See yourself standing tall, smiling and looking great. Notice how you feel. Let the positive and confident feelings wash all over you.

The Fray - How to save a life

Demi Lovato Stands up Against Bullying

PACER: Teens against bullying

Bullying is a big problem!

Every day thousands of teens wake up afraid to go to school. Bullying is a problem that affects millions of students, and it has everyone worried, not just the kids on its receiving end. Yet because parents, teachers, and other adults don't always see it, they may not understand how extreme bullying can get.

Bullying is when a person is picked on over and over again by an individual or group with more power, either in terms of physical strength or social standing.

Two of the main reasons people are bullied are because of appearance and social status. Bullies pick on the people they think don't fit in, maybe because of how they look, how they act (for example, kids who are shy and withdrawn), their race or religion.

Some bullies attack their targets physically, which can mean anything from shoving or tripping to punching or hitting, or even sexual assault. Others use psychological control or verbal insults to put themselves in charge. For example, people in popular groups or cliques often bully people they categorize as different by excluding them or gossiping about them (psychological bullying). They may also taunt or tease their targets (verbal bullying).

Verbal bullying can also involve sending cruel instant or email messages or even posting insults about a person on a website — practices that are known as cyberbullying.

 

How Does Bullying Make People Feel?

One of the most painful aspects of bullying is that it is relentless. Most people can take one episode of teasing or name calling or being shunned at the mall. However, when it goes on and on, bullying can put a person in a state of constant fear.

Guys and girls who are bullied may find their schoolwork and health suffering. Amber began having stomach pains and diarrhea and was diagnosed with a digestive condition called irritable bowel syndrome as a result of the stress that came from being bullied throughout ninth grade. Mafooz spent his afternoons hungry and unable to concentrate in class because he was too afraid to go to the school cafeteria at lunchtime.

Studies show that people who are abused by their peers are at risk for mental health problems, such as low self-esteem, stress, depression, or anxiety. They may also think about suicide more.

Bullies are at risk for problems, too. Bullying is violence, and it often leads to more violent behavior as the bully grows up. It's estimated that 1 out of 4 elementary-school bullies will have a criminal record by the time they are 30. Some teen bullies end up being rejected by their peers and lose friendships as they grow older. Bullies may also fail in school and not have the career or relationship success that other people enjoy.

 

Who Bullies?

Both guys and girls can be bullies. Bullies may be outgoing and aggressive. Or a bully can appear reserved on the surface, but may try to manipulate people in subtle, deceptive ways, like anonymously starting a damaging rumor just to see what happens.

Many bullies share some common characteristics. They like to dominate others and are generally focused on themselves. They often have poor social skills and poor social judgment. Sometimes they have no feelings of empathy or caring toward other people.

Although most bullies think they're hot stuff and have the right to push people around, others are actually insecure. They put other people down to make themselves feel more interesting or powerful. And some bullies act the way they do because they've been hurt by bullies in the past — maybe even a bullying figure in their own family, like a parent or other adult.

Some bullies actually have personality disorders that don't allow them to understand normal social emotions like guilt, empathy, compassion, or remorse. These people need help from a mental health professional like a psychiatrist or psychologist.

 

What Can You Do?

For younger kids, the best way to solve a bullying problem is to tell a trusted adult. For teens, though, the tell-an-adult approach depends on the bullying situation.

One situation in which it is vital to report bullying is if it threatens to lead to physical danger and harm. Numerous high-school students have died when stalking, threats, and attacks went unreported and the silence gave the bully license to become more and more violent.

Sometimes the victim of repeated bullying cannot control the need for revenge and the situation becomes dangerous for everyone.

Adults in positions of authority — parents, teachers, or coaches — can often find ways to resolve dangerous bullying problems without the bully ever learning how they found out about it.

If you're in a bullying situation that you think may escalate into physical violence, try to avoid being alone (and if you have a friend in this situation, spend as much time together as you can). Try to remain part of a group by walking home at the same time as other people or by sticking close to friends or classmates during the times that the bullying takes place.

Bullying Survival Tips

Here are some things you can do to combat psychological and verbal bullying. They're also good tips to share with a friend as a way to show your support:

• Ignore the bully and walk away. It's definitely not a coward's response — sometimes it can be harder than losing your temper. Bullies thrive on the reaction they get, and if you walk away or ignore hurtful emails or instant messages, you're telling the bully that you just don't care. Sooner or later the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you. Walk tall and hold your head high. Using this type of body language sends a message that you're not vulnerable.
• Hold the anger. Who doesn't want to get really upset with a bully? But that's exactly the response he or she is trying to get. Bullies want to know they have control over your emotions. If you're in a situation where you have to deal with a bully and you can't walk away with poise, use humor — it can throw the bully off guard. Work out your anger in another way, such as through exercise or writing it down (make sure you tear up any letters or notes you write in anger).
• Don't get physical. However you choose to deal with a bully, don't use physical force (like kicking, hitting, or pushing). Not only are you showing your anger, you can never be sure what the bully will do in response. You are more likely to be hurt and get in to trouble if you use violence against a bully. You can stand up for yourself in other ways, such as gaining control of the situation by walking away or by being assertive in your actions. Some adults believe that bullying is a part of growing up (even that it is character building) and that hitting back is the only way to tackle the problem. But that's not the case. Aggressive responses tend to lead to more violence and more bullying for the victims.
• Practice confidence. Practice ways to respond to the bully verbally or through your behavior. Practice feeling good about yourself (even if you have to fake it at first).
• Take charge of your life. You can't control other people's actions, but you can stay true to yourself. Think about ways to feel your best — and your strongest — so that other kids may give up the teasing. Exercise is one way to feel strong and powerful. (It's a great mood lifter, too!) Learn a martial art or take a class like yoga. Another way to gain confidence is to hone your skills in something like chess, art, music, computers, or writing. Joining a class, club, or gym is a great way to make new friends and feel great about yourself. The confidence you gain will help you ignore the mean kids.
• Talk about it. It may help to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or friend — anyone who can give you the support you need. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can build when you're being bullied.
• Find your (true) friends. If you've been bullied with rumors or gossip, all of the above tips (especially ignoring and not reacting) can apply. But take it one step further to help ease feelings of hurt and isolation. Find one or two true friends and confide how the gossip has hurt your feelings. Set the record straight by telling your friends quietly and confidently what's true and not true about you. Hearing a friend say, "I know the rumor's not true. I didn't pay attention to it," can help you realize that most of the time people see gossip for what it is — petty, rude, and immature. 

Teens against bullying

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Teens in love

Teenagers describe their experience of being in love, and their often confusing feelings.

Am I in love?

It is a very common question, "How can I tell I'm in love?", but it is not an easy question to answer. What feels like love to one person may be nothing more than attraction to another. Some people fall in and out of love quickly and often while others are never really in love as much as they are in lust. This can get confusing when you are a teen because romantic love is a relatively new concept for you and you don't know what to expect. You are overwhelmed with all sorts of new feelings and social pressures. They are confusing. What is love? What makes you want a romantic relationship with one person and not another? How does your heart choose a partner? Why does love end? These questions can't be easily answered.

 

One of the most confusing quasi-love feelings is lust. Lust is a very powerful, very intense feeling of physical attraction toward another person. Lust is mainly sexual in nature - the attraction is superficial based on instant chemistry rather than genuine caring. Usually we lust after people we do not know well, people we still feel comfortable fantasizing about. It is very common for people to confuse lust for love. Lust is about physical attraction and acting ONLY on physical attraction. Love is about much more than that. Yet many teens (and to be fair, many adults) confuse an intense attraction for some sort if divine love. For teens, since feelings of attraction are still new and since pop-culture sells sex and love as one package, it is very easy to get the two mixed up.

Lust is clearly not love. Love is based on more than just physical attraction. Sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that. Love is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side AND you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one anothers happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction.

 

There is no easy way to find the truth behind your feelings or the feelings of another person but there are some tell-tale signs that love is blooming (or growing deeper). If you agree with 7 of the following 9 statements you are probably in love.

• You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind.

• The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself.

• If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship.

• Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together.

• When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict).

• Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone.

• Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other's loyalties or feelings.

• You are more yourself when with your partner than you are with anybody else.

• If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion.

 

Dr Donald Silva at ESFF

"Why English?" was the title of the address performed by Dr. J. Donald Silva at ESFF, on January 18th.

Dr. J. Donald Silva is Professor Emeritus at the University of New Hampshire, Durham, where he taught English for 42 years.

He is the author of A Bibliography (works in English) on the Madeira Islands. Durham, N.H.: Essays in Portuguese Studies, Number 5, 1978, and "With Columbus in Madeira." Portuguese Studies Review (Durham, NH), vol. 1, number 1 (Spring-Summer 1991).

Prof. Silva's newest publication is titled "Black Kestrel" and is sold by amazon.com.

He often visits Madeira where his family has lived since the 15th century.

Prof. Silva is also a writer, poet, mountain climber, swimmer and gardener. He is a stone cutter and stone mason.

Understanding the brain of a teenager

Adolescence: problems & secrets

The adolescent period is from the age of thirteen to nineteen and is named as teenage period. Maximum physical development of the internal and external organism of the body is attained. Major physiological changes meant for teenage period are fast and completed at the end of this period.

The adolescence is nervous and unsteady in sudden and major physical changes. We can see an appreciable intelligence, thinking power, logical reasoning and understanding the environment. The adolescent is rich in memory, perceiving things, concept formation, association, generalization, imagination and decision making. Questioning on most of the things is prevalent but becomes satisfied in approval and recognition of his views. It is a period of joy and happiness and does not want to miss what he aspires. Sometimes he is in moods and bursts in tears instantly. Emotional development is at peak. Thus, there is no emotional stability in general.

Socially, the group feeling is at its maximum and wants to shine in the group. There is a natural ability to understand the feelings of others. There is the eagerness for opposite sex. Ego centered behaviour but with some adjustable nature in character can be seen. The adolescent follows the social norms and practices.

Problems of adolescents:

Emotional tensionEmotional development is at maximum and unstable. Self respect and personal pride make the individual emotionally bad. He expects the things to be done as he aspires.

Personal appearance

This is a significant problem. The adolescent is much worried about the appearance with modern and latest life style at any cost.

Emancipation

It is the ambition for freedom from parental sovereign. The individual hates control of the parents. He seeks identity to himself.

Economic independence

This is another problem of economic independence. Money from parents for personal expense is a major problem.

Social adjustment

One has to face a lot of adjustment problems. The most difficult problem is related to social adjustment outside the family and to peer group.

Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for Teens

Here's a list of the most common New Year's resolutions - and, more importantly, some ideas for getting started on them (and actually keeping them past January 1st).

1. Get Healthy

Getting healthy doesn't just mean losing weight. It can also mean playing more sports, making healthier eating choices or just resolving to get off the couch a little more often. Make one small change at a time - like riding your bike to school instead of taking the bus, or ordering a salad instead of a burger - and you'll have an easier time keeping this resolution.

2. Get Happier

This is a little more of an abstract resolution that can mean different things to different people. See if you can find ways to boost your self-esteem, or just spend more time doing things that you love instead of things that make you feel bad about yourself. The links below can help you find a way to get started.

3. Be a Better Person

Being a good person - by donating your time or old stuff to those in need, or just by throwing some random acts of kindness into your daily routine - feels so good that it can be addictive.

4. Find Love

You can be perfectly happy by being single, but be honest: wouldn't it feel great to find a great boyfriend or girlfriend? There's no magic spell that'll bring love into your life, but if you keep your heart open, love will come along.

5. Show More Love to Your Family

Like it or not, your family is made up of the most important people in your life. This year, take a couple of deep breaths and resolve to be a little nicer to them.

Find more New Year's Resolutions here.